I won't be with my daughter this Christmas. In fact, I won't be seeing her for an entire week over the holidays. Wow, I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself then. Work can only keep me occupied for so long. Christmas has always been a holiday I cherished most with my family. Family is very important to me, and for me to be missing part of my family on Christmas is going to be tough. I have to make new traditions now. I'm celebrating Christmas with my family a week early this year, and well, every other year from now on. I'm still looking forward to my family time this year, even if it's not going to be on Christmas day.
Christmas 2011 is something our whole family is REALLY looking forward to. It will be the first Christmas that my daughter will have a cousin! And, I'm looking forward to the roll of "Aunty Kristy" (sounds good, doesn't it?).
This crazy adventure called life is just getting interesting. I can't wait to see what the next year holds.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Perspective
per·spec·tive (p r-sp k t v). n. 1. a. A view or vista. b. A mental view or outlook
So I'm sitting here, alone, in my house (ultimately avoiding housework). My daughter is away this weekend visiting her dad (for an extra day this time). It's these weekends that are actually the hardest on me. It's always SO quitet in my house when she's away. When it's this quiet, my mind runs wild, and it's at these times I really have to train my thinking to "not go there". I often think of things like "how could you do this to me?", "Your taking MY daughter for your regular visits when you didn't even want a child in the first place", "I've essentially given you a free pass to not HAVE to be a dad, and now you're choosing what you say you didn't want."
OK, so I'm going to look at this situation from a different perspective....I have regular time to take care of myself. Regular time to catch up on sleep, housework, shopping, whatever it may be. Not all moms get that, and I am very fortunate to have this time for me. The circumstances are unfortunate, but oh well. And, the fact that my daughter does have time with her dad is important. In fact, she now has more time with her dad than she did before. So, I do beleive that is a blessing, not only for her, but for her dad as well. I have no doubt that she is teaching him something amazing about life, love and true happiness...I just wish I could see it!
So, as I sit here alone, I am thanking God for everything he has blessed me with, even in my darkest hour.
So I'm sitting here, alone, in my house (ultimately avoiding housework). My daughter is away this weekend visiting her dad (for an extra day this time). It's these weekends that are actually the hardest on me. It's always SO quitet in my house when she's away. When it's this quiet, my mind runs wild, and it's at these times I really have to train my thinking to "not go there". I often think of things like "how could you do this to me?", "Your taking MY daughter for your regular visits when you didn't even want a child in the first place", "I've essentially given you a free pass to not HAVE to be a dad, and now you're choosing what you say you didn't want."
OK, so I'm going to look at this situation from a different perspective....I have regular time to take care of myself. Regular time to catch up on sleep, housework, shopping, whatever it may be. Not all moms get that, and I am very fortunate to have this time for me. The circumstances are unfortunate, but oh well. And, the fact that my daughter does have time with her dad is important. In fact, she now has more time with her dad than she did before. So, I do beleive that is a blessing, not only for her, but for her dad as well. I have no doubt that she is teaching him something amazing about life, love and true happiness...I just wish I could see it!
So, as I sit here alone, I am thanking God for everything he has blessed me with, even in my darkest hour.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Take Care of Yourself
I've actually found this easier to do now than in the past. Separation and divorce often times dumps on self esteem. I know it did for me. I got my hair done recently, and I'm reminded of how FABULOUS this makes me feel. It might seem small, but it's important to take time to make yourself feel good. Other things I like to do is buying myself a new outfit a few times a year, decking myself out with my MK samples and actually going out! What do you do to boost your self esteem?
Monday, November 1, 2010
Don't Fight It!
Don't fight the process that naturally comes from a major loss and/or life change. A process of grieving, and with it comes healing. Give it time to run it's course.
Stages of Grief:
1. Denial - "this can't be happening to me"
2. Anger - "why me?" feelings to fight back or get even
3. Bargaining - often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the leaving spouse, or even with God
4. Depression - feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity. Mourning the loss of not only a person, but also the loss of hopes, dreams and plans for the future.
5. Acceptance - accept it, don't just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage.
Even though I have felt and dealt with all of these feelings, and accept where I am, I do find some days more difficult than others. It's hard to see people with their families, husbands, wives and kids altogether doing "family stuff" together. I'm not saying that I will never have that again (I would LOVE to!), but I have also had to accept if that does not happen for me again.
On those hard days, I have to constantly give my frustrations and fears to God to carry for me, that's too much for me to carry by myself. Having a strong support base of family and friends sure helps too.
Time does heal wounds, but you have to let it by letting go first.
Stages of Grief:
1. Denial - "this can't be happening to me"
2. Anger - "why me?" feelings to fight back or get even
3. Bargaining - often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the leaving spouse, or even with God
4. Depression - feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity. Mourning the loss of not only a person, but also the loss of hopes, dreams and plans for the future.
5. Acceptance - accept it, don't just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage.
Even though I have felt and dealt with all of these feelings, and accept where I am, I do find some days more difficult than others. It's hard to see people with their families, husbands, wives and kids altogether doing "family stuff" together. I'm not saying that I will never have that again (I would LOVE to!), but I have also had to accept if that does not happen for me again.
On those hard days, I have to constantly give my frustrations and fears to God to carry for me, that's too much for me to carry by myself. Having a strong support base of family and friends sure helps too.
Time does heal wounds, but you have to let it by letting go first.
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